(edited from the original) I sin against my will and against my nature. But yet I choose to sin by an act of my will. Perhaps there is a natural will created in God's image and a will under bondage to sin. But it is the latter that motivates my actions, to compulsively (now that I understand the below mentioned homily better, I think compulsion is the wrong word) eat for example. Sin is choosing a replacement to God and His ways by cheating and taking a short cut. I don't like discomfort or waiting, so I grab the first available, promising thing to get relief. But deprivation becomes intolerable if there is not assurance that I will ultimately obtain or attain something better. Sometimes people switch addictions or compulsions for another one, like eating instead of smoking. We don't want to feel pain. We want comfort and relief. People struggling with addictions wonder why God isn't enough, especially since He promised the Comforter, the Holy Spirit.
Maturity and holiness is found in delaying gratification. Learning to be still in the midst of pain, discomfort, cravings, or hunger. Learning to wait on the Lord. I just finished reading Elder Porphyrios' Wounded by Love. He had a life of intense bodily suffering through many illnesses. But he chose not to ask God for relief. He wanted to be perfected by his suffering as Christ was. He did not demand comfort, but hoped in God. Elder Porphyrios loved God unconditionally and said that he would submit even if God's mercy and love placed him in hell. That's the thing - he knew God was merciful and loving despite his experience of pain. And like Lazarus, I'm sure he is being comforted in the bosom of Abraham at this very moment. Can I wait until then?
- Reflections on St. John Chrysostom's homily on Romans 7: 14-11 posted by Monk Patrick entitled Law, sin, death and free-will in Energetic Procession.
p.s. Elder Porphyrios experienced intense moments of divine grace as well, but he did not ask for them or seek them out.
