Joyful Sorrow and Letting Go

The Ochlophobist in this post has very eloquently stated how the Orthodox balance penitence with hope,

"Until we have an honest conversation with our own souls, we cannot converse honestly with God. And were it not for the hope that God might actually take pity on us (and indeed has told us so), then our own inner dialogue would be condemned to nothing more than self hatred and abuse. We recognize the black bile within ourselves, and God uses that recognition to make us beautiful."

In my three year journey into Orthodoxy, I have swung from blissful contentment, to wallowing penitence leading to depression, to ecstatic confidence and rejection of anything that sounds like "I'm not worthy". This last disdain preceded a fall, then I returned to not quite so depressing penitence, and now am more in a place of joyful penitence. Feeling like nothing and not despairing is really quite liberating. I don't have to convince anyone, including myself, of my worthiness, and I'm learning to abandon myself to Christ to evaluate as He wills. I know I have miles to go before I sleep, but my hope and rest is in Christ, my Salvation.