The Door

aka The Door by Ivan Albright

I was in my mid-20's when I saw this painting at The Art Institute of Chicago. I was most affected by this painting than all others, including Seurat's surprisingly huge Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte. It was mural-like as well in that the door was life-size, entrance level, and the hand could belong to you or a mystery person. I wanted to know whose hand that was more than I wanted to know what was on the other side of the door. The door in this video reminded me of it most recently. As did the one in this video.

I saw that painting before Isaac, my stillborn baby. But I had had a couple of friends die violent deaths, so that may have influenced my fascination. Or maybe the ever present thought I always had of the possibility that my mother, who had many health problems growing up, could imminently die. I think it's pretty clear that The Door represents death. It is a barrier, but it also represents the nearness of the other state. To see and touch the door implies a certain proximity and unavoidable awareness, as well as the impending possibility of becoming immediately, perhaps involuntarily acquainted with what is on the other side. This door does not scare me, nor do I require it to be opened. I'm pretty apathetic about it opening, but I still want to look at it, and I don't want to distance myself from it. I want to remember it and its details forever.