One Year Anniversary

I began this blog the day after Memorial Day last year when it was closer to the end of the month. So it's about a week shy of this blog's one year anniversary.

I have bittersweet feelings about this blog. It has been a hard year, and one spent mostly in mourning, though not despondency. I was despondent during my son's first birthday, being newly separated with divorce papers eminent. He was the light shining in the darkness though. Kind of like his beautiful blue eyes and dimples were through the smeared chocolate cake all over his face.

My daughter's first birthday was in my house previous to this one in this town. I'm mostly conscious of the strain with my ex-husband (who had let me come back with reservations after I said I'd change) during that chocolate cake. Poor Rachel, God have mercy on her.

Rebecca was too tired after Chucky Cheese to enjoy her chocolate cake, and it got in her eyes, so her picture isn't very jolly either. I missed our other kids' first birthdays since I didn't meet them till later.

As I take a step back and reflect on this blog, I'm the most happy with the posts on St. Maximus; it was a fun exploration learning to understand Person and Nature and redrawing my map. Filling in the details takes eternity I suppose. Then I like my more personal story-telling entries. I enjoyed starting to learn Derrida's language next. But I'm not happy with some of my posts, including my more general speculations on culture. I think my underlying stages of grief, including disappointment, self-justification, anger and a revenge reaction, over what transpired with my family, as well as the ugliness of my other sins, seeps through when I tried to generalize and categorize especially. Some of my confessions were probably better left unshared as well. I'm sorry if it was traumatizing reading any of this blog, which I can't help thinking was sometimes the case.

I thank my readers very much who have stayed with me during the trauma and the joy of the journey. I can't promise I'll change, even though I hope to, but I ask for your continued company and prayers.

Along with celebrating this first anniversary, I also celebrate that last night the views passed 12,000. May God bless you every one.